Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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