We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
