I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
