we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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