Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
