Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
