I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
