I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
