you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
