Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
