Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
