I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
