My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
