It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
