Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
