Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
