Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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