Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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