dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
as a side note pls kill me
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