I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
did i just pee glitter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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