how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
