i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
