in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
