I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
