I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
