just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have fence marks all over my body
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
