they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
