I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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