so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
