You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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