wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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