dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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