So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
