The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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