Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
