I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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