we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
