yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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