wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can Purell be used as lube?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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