Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
