Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
