last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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