Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Terrible idea I love it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
