It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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