you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
