You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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