the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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