i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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