I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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