just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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