Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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