I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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