My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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