I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
