i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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