dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
