You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
