its not stalking. its research.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
