two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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