I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize