hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
