HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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