Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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