how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
