This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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