Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Alive.
So much puke
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize