Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lost the right to judge tonight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
