spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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