I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
