I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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