he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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