when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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