I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
