I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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