You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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