DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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