3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
