I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
