This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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