Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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